Its rainy here, but warm.
The boys had new wool slippers from St. Nicholas, a bit of chocolate and a new book.
I've made all the preparations for the season -- a small tree lighting our window, a string of advent goody bags hung across the room, the candles and blessings at meals -- but my heart isn't here.
I'm not quite sure where it is.
I have these two distinct roles right now -- as student / writer and as mama -- and I'm struggling with moving gracefully between the two. I love them both. Giving up one or the other is not an option. But my head -- and heart -- can't seem to keep up in the shift between there and home. And so, often, I feel like I am failing at both.
I am spacey at school and short-tempered at home. We've run out of money again and it is my fault. I have designated times for studying during the week -- there isn't any on the weekends, as Sebastian works doubles -- and I end up wasting it, unfocused and unproductive.
How is this done? Done well? With joy? Some things will shift, I know. We've set forth in this with great intention, our goals clear, and there are many things that are lining up nicely -- there is encouragement in that. But after school, there will be work, a job (or, jobs). And I'm guessing with that there will be similar challenges in finding balance.
How is it done?
+Chelsea
It was a beautiful Thanksgiving -- big and full and loud and delicious. Our dear new friends and our Brooklyn family and my sister from across the country all crowded around the table in our 350 square foot apartment. There was turkey and gingerbread stuffing, cranberry pomegranate relish, three kinds of pie, a pumpkin bread pudding, specially concocted cocktails -- we are still feasting, and probably will be for many days more.
At the end of the day, Sebastian took my hand and said it was perfect. That everyone was so present and happy to be there.
Lately I've been feeling fairly weighed down by the responsibility and effort of this decision we've made to be here. It can be overwhelming, and often I do not handle it with much grace. But I am so grateful that we are here, that I have a honey who has committed to being here with me, who will hold my hand and be present with me, regardless of whether we are feasting or struggling.
I am so grateful, too, for this space. For the friendships I've made here, the kind words that warm like nothing else I know.
I hope you are well and happy.
Thank You,
+Chelsea
Happy Birthday, my sweet one!
Love,
+Mama
PS: his birth story, from THREE years ago, can be found here...
This month, the habit blog is posting open submissions: one photograph and a 30-words-or-less caption that gets at the essence of your day.
It's a little bit addicting, you may find yourself thinking in 30-word phrases all day long... Which, when I'm working on a story (or, now, a novel...!!!), is often how I think, anyways.
Their flickr pool is here.
+Chelsea
Laundry day in the city.
With these little critters, this walk to the laundrymat happens several days each week.
I love seeing things the way they see them.
+Chelsea
Our little corners, still settling, but each time different and quite nice.
We have lived in this apartment for about eight months now, and have spent all of those months unpacking, fixing, making it us. And when our lease is up in March? It isn't very convenient to live where we live, but I really can't bear the thought of another move, another year of settling into all the corners of a new space, trying to own something that doesn't belong to you...
+Chelsea
I made granola over the weekend. In the years that I have been trying to make granola, mine never fails to burn or get soggy, its never as good as I wish it to be.
This batch is good.
And it makes a lot!
+Chelsea
It snowed last weekend. I stayed in all day, curled around the space heater, all my candles lit.
+Chelsea
