On Finding Your Tribe: A guest Post from Sarah
Over four years ago, when I was pregnant with my oldest son, I felt the drive to connect with other mothers. I wanted to learn from their experiences, have someone to call if I was having a rough day, and have a reason to get out of the house with a little baby. I spent time on online discussion forums, I attended La Leche League meetings, I started going to the moms’ group at my church. I connected with other moms through my childbirth class, and we struck up friendships. All of these things were wonderful additions to my new life as a mother, but it wasn’t until I read the book The Continuum Concept
We are social creatures, biologically programmed to live in close community with others. Yet, we spend many of our days as mothers, especially stay-at-home mothers, isolated from people outside our immediate family. Throughout history, women have birthed their babies together, raised them in a community, worked alongside each other, and been part of a large, extended “family.” I wanted that.
I tentatively brought up the idea of creating a small “tribe” to some of my friends who also had babies the same age as mine. They immediately jumped on board and we began to spend whole days hanging out with each other. Our babies would sleep, play, and nurse while we chatted, cooked food, and tossed in another load of laundry. I loved the close friendships that sprung up, and I soon realized that I also highly valued the connection that my son was developing with these other families. He was learning that other families do things differently, and that is ok. He was learning that adults, besides just mom and dad, need to be respected. And he was learning to develop relationships with people outside of our immediate family.
I have since moved away from that “tribe,” although they remain some of my closest friends. As soon as we arrived in our new home, much closer to our actual families, I started looking for another “tribe” of mothers. I knew the importance of sharing my parenting journey with others in the same situation, and I already longed for the connection that I knew could be developed. I recognized how important it was for me to talk with other mothers, relate our experiences, raise our children together, and generally share our lives with each other. And I felt it was important for my children to grow up with an extended family as well.
No, we don’t live in a tribal society and I’m not suggesting we go back to that. But I do think that taking the time to create your own “tribe” of people around yourself is incredibly valuable. There is much to be gained from raising your children in a community of other families. I’m glad I took the time to find my “tribe.” It includes some amazing women, wonderful children, and the kind of people our family will know and love for years to come.
The first time I met Sarah was at a local mamas' meeting (a tribe in its own right). She had just given birth to her second son, and I remember being completely amazed at her energy and spunk as she spritely jumped up from her seat over and over to tend to her older son -- all while that new little babe slept nestled in the sling! Her radiant energy and warmth continue to amaze me, as I've had the good fortune to be in its shine over the past two years. She blogs at The Magney Family.
